Hope Deferred

Hope feels lost where did it go?

 I just want to know that I’m not alone.

Friends feel distant; my family doesn’t know

I’m coming undone but can’t let it show.

I have work to do and places to be- a job that’s never ending

Requests on my shoulders- my back feels like it’s bending.

I’m the one that’s called when people have a need 

They think I have the answers- I’m not trying to mislead…

I smile through the pain and say I’m doing fine

Pour fuel into someone else’s tank despite the looks of mine. 

“Relax, it’s just a season”- that’s what everyone likes to say

One day the clouds will part, and the skies won’t be so gray. 

I know they try to help, and they probably just don’t know

That when you’re walking through the rain, those words feel like a blow. 

I don’t want to hear how it’s really not that bad

That I have a lot of good and shouldn’t be so sad. 

I wonder if they even see the hurt behind my eyes

The way I laugh it off and wear the smile in disguise. 

I guess it doesn’t matter- everyone’s been through a storm 

That leaves you cold and distant or knowing, wise, and warm. 

“We’re all in the same boat” just riding through life’s waves

Searching for a lighthouse- a light that leads and saves. 

I try to row with all my might determined to stay tough

But now the boat is sinking and it’s simply not enough.

Why is it so hard for me to say that I need help? 

To stop my arms from fighting, and instead let them be held?

I get angry and push back against the ones that try to stop me

With burning eyes and salty tears I take on the tsunami. 

It’s dark and I can’t find the light no matter where I turn

My stomach’s in a sailors knot and my nose begins to burn.

I’m choking on the waves of hurt and drowning in the void

Of hope lost out to sea and joy that’s been deployed. 

Just when I’m about to sink below to the bottom in the sand

Jesus comes out to me and reaches out His hand.

He meets me in the struggle and gently pulls me out 

Reminding me to trust Him, He asks “why did you doubt?”

We get back into the boat but this time not the same,

The water isn’t crashing and the wind is still and tame.

Sitting right beside me is a Light shining like the sun

That lighthouse I’d been looking for…I realize He’s the One. 

He saves me from the dark and kindly draws me in

Leading me to safety time and time again. 

Hope is never really lost, it just might be deferred

When I placed my hand in His, I realized hope occurred.

Proverbs 13:12

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

    but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Matthew 14:29-33

“Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”